


Sometimes Loving Someone Means Letting Them Go

by preoxxupy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abby Griffin - Freeform, Clarke Griffin - Freeform, Kabby, Marcus Kane - Freeform, The 100 - Freeform, angsty, grounders, ish, kane x abby, octavia blake - Freeform, raven reyes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-05 17:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6713416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preoxxupy/pseuds/preoxxupy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been over a month since ALIE has been defeated. Kane is back as Chancellor and Clarke is still Flamekeeper. Abby has been avoiding Marcus for some time now, and with the arrival of Clarke and some grounders, she may have to face him and her previous actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The scars still paint his skin, and the memories tamper with his dreams and impede his sleeping patterns. But he had forgiven her. It was easy; saying those simple words. They rolled off his tongue as though they were put there. But deep down, he knew she didn’t need his forgiveness. She needed her own. No matter what she did, no matter how much she hurt him, she knew he would forgive her. She knew that he believed any horrible actions that were ever brought upon him would never match up to what he thought he deserved. So she pushed him away. Took the easier path, avoiding his forgiveness was easier than forgiving herself. She didn’t know why, but it was.

He loved her so much, more than she would ever know, and what hurt the most was that the only thing he could do for the woman he loves, was let her push him away.

She wouldn’t make eye contact with him at the council meetings, she wouldn’t let him help her sort through medical supplies like she use to, and worst of all, she wouldn’t let him bring her food. She ate the bare minimum now, sleeping between shifts on a cot in Medical for the most of two hours. It wouldn’t be until Jackson would force her out of medical for her to return to her room, but he doubts she slept there either.

Until recently, Marcus would sit with the rest of Arkadia for meals, in hopes that Abby would turn up and join him in their regular spot. After almost a month of no success, he began taking his tray to the Chancellors room and working. At first it was lonely, he was used to this room being filled with the sound of Abby’s voice, and now it was just him. It took some time getting use to, but eventually he came to terms with the solitude. He scarcely left his room, sometimes to get food, sometimes to get pain medications from Jackson. It wasn’t often he went out for more personal needs. But that routine was quickly disturbed by the arrival of Clarke.

Everyone rushed to the front to greet her and the other four grounders she brought with her. At the sounds of chaos and cheers, Marcus rushed out to the front gate. His eyes softened at the sight of Abby hugging her daughter tightly. He carefully approach the two and stood until they broke apart.

“Clarke” he nodded at her and smiled.

“Kane” to his surprise, but not to his dismay, she pulled him into a hug. It took him a few seconds to react, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her and returned the gesture. They pulled apart and Clarke stepped back from both him and Abby and gestured to the other grounders.

“This is Orion, my personal guard. And this is Cygnus, Aquila and Olympia”.

They all had unique appearances that distinctly separated them from the others. Cygnus had dark brown eyes with, what seemed to be, bleached white hair that wasn’t pulled back into any braids, it just flowed in her face with help from the wind. Aquila had bright orange hair and blue eyes and her hair was pulled back into exquisite braids that matched Olympia’s blonde braided hair. It took a moment for Marcus to register why Olympia had a different impression on him, and it wasn’t until he noticed her violet eyes that he realized how uncommon they were.

Although Clarke was introducing them to everyone, she made a point of looking more at her mother. She further continued and turned to Marcus. “Luna was wondering if they could stay in Arkadia, if that’s alright with you”. It took a moment to realize that Clarke was asking him, and he quickly stuttered to an answer.

“Oh, uh, yes. Of course. May I, um, ask why?” His unprofessionalism surprised a few, but Clarke just found it slightly amusing. Not that she showed it though.

“Just an extra security to Skaikru joining the coalition. Nothing to concerning”. At that, Marcus nodded and started showing the grounders the camp.

As he let the grounders explore the Mess Hall and meet people, he found himself standing next to Abby for the first time in weeks and it took all the courage he had to speak.

“Abby?”

Slowly but surely, she lifted his head and made eye contact with him. It made his heart leap, it wasn’t a huge step, but maybe she would start to let him in a bit more. Even if was the most infinitesimal amount. He opened his mouth to continue, but was cut off when one of the new grounders appeared in front of them.

“You’re Abby?” The grounder inquired. She had the white hair, but Marcus couldn’t remember what her name was for the life of him. Abby just simply nodded with a faint smile, that Marcus could tell was forced.

“I’m Cygnus. They say you’re the healer here?”. Again she just simply nods. “I’m a healer too. Or was, back in Polis”. Abby smiled more, but it was still fake. “It’s nice to meet you”. She extended her hand, which seemed to surprise Cygnus, but she took her own hand and followed Abby’s motions. Clarke then approached with Orion at her side.

“I see we’re making friends” she teased. For some reason, of which Marcus couldn’t pinpoint, it stung. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but maybe it was the fact that Abby seemed to be more comfortable with Cygnus in those few seconds then she has with him in the recent weeks.

They were all slightly taken aback when Orion spoke for the first time in their presence.

“Wanheda, we should hurry things along. Luna is expecting us by sundown”. Orion’s hair was black and in complex braids that fell down to her waist. She didn’t look over 18, but her blue eyes told her war stories.

“No. I spoke with Luna already, Orion. We’ll stay for a few days to check up on Cygnus, Aquila and Olympia. Then return when I say so”. The young girl nodded and took a step back into her normal position behind Wanheda.

“You’re staying for awhile?” There was something in Abby’s voice that nobody heard in awhile. Hope. It took all the strength in the world to get Marcus to maintain his normal expression and not burst into smiles. Clarke’s smile and nod of the head granted her another hug from her mother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been two days since Clarke and the others entered in Arkadia. Harper and Monty quickly took a liking to Olympia, and Aquila constantly shadowed Raven.

Marcus hadn’t slept since their arrival, from settling their rooms amongst other things. Finally, he gave up on what he was working on and went to grab something to eat. When he entered, the first thing his eyes laid upon was Abby, Harper, Monty, Cygnus and Olympia.

_How had they convinced her to eat? If he were to tell her to eat, she would’ve just told him to leave._

He blamed himself for the pain she was going through, if he would’ve just forced her to come with him, none of this would’ve happened. She wouldn’t of needed to push all the guilt onto herself. They would’ve been together, and he would’ve carried the guilt with her.

Rethinking his decision, he decided his aching body was more important then his appetite, and headed in the direction of medical. Jackson was tending to another patient, and told him to give him a few moments.

He remembered everything about this room. He was in it less often then he use to, but he remembered every part of it. Remembered Abby’s laughter trying not to wake the sleeping patients, the piles of paper they would go through until late hours, getting coffee for each other because the other was too lazy and tired to get up. It hurt, hurt more than the physical pain he dealt with, but at the end of the day, he accepted it.

“Okay Kane, what can I do for you?” Jackson’s voice pulled Marcus out of his nostalgia moment and back into reality.

“My leg has been bothering me recently, and I ran out of the pain meds a few days ago” saying no more, Jackson left the room and left Kane to wait.

He stumbled into a corner and leaned against a wall. As he settled into a comfortable position, Abby entered the tent and sat at her desk, unaware of Marcus’s presence.

Upon her desk, a simple white flower sat on top of her papers. She picked it up gently, and brought it to her nose. A faint smile appeared on her lips, and although it was small, it was real. The small grin that caused her the most amount of happiness in the recent weeks, had caused him the most pain.

_He had lost her. Abby was never his, but he can’t help the feeling that he’s lost her nonetheless._

He didn’t know who put the flower there. It didn’t really matter. What mattered to him is that the first time Abby seemed to be happy was when she was the furthest away from him, well mentally.

“Marcus, here are the pain meds. Same as last week, so remember only take them up to 4 times a day with 3 hour intervals”.

Abby looked up from her desk with a surprised countenance. _How had she not noticed him?_

Marcus took the bottle and left with a small “thank you” and made his way out of the medical tent.

He passed by Raven, Aquila and Orion all chatting about the changes in the Biogeochemical Cycles after the nuclear war.

_If Orion is here, where’s Clarke?_

In the couple of days they have been here, the only time he saw Orion was at Clarke’s side.

His question was answered when he entered his room. Clarke was standing in the middle of all his paperwork and lifting up paper to glimpse at what’s he’s accomplished.

“You know, I thought mom said you were organized” she chuckled at her own teasing, put he hands behind her back and looked at him.

“Clarke” he took off his jacket, after closing the door, and set it on a chair. “What gives me the pleasure?”

She looks down and smooth’s her outfit down with nervous hands.

“I wanted to ask” she trailed off. Not sure how uncomfortable of situation this was for either of them.

“Clarke, you can ask me anything, you know that right?”

“I wanted to ask, how my mother was” she looked up at him, expecting more of a positive reaction then what she got Marcus sighed and rubbed his temple.

“I don’t think I’m the one to answer that”.

“Please. She says she’s fine, but you’d be more honest about how she really is. Besides, you know her better then anyone” “I’m not so sure that’s true. Your mother and I” he took in a deep breath before continuing “haven’t been talking recently. Clarke, the only way your going to get answers here, is if you ask her yourself” he stepped aside and opened the door for her to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Abby was still sitting at her desk with Cygnus in a chair across from her. She was filling out papers but still listened to her newly made friend ramble on about Arkadia and all the people.

“Mom, can I talk to you?” Clarke rushed into the tent and spoke without any preamble. Abby furrowed her eyes in concern as she stood up and took steps toward her daughter.

“Is everything okay?” She put her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and checked for any abnormalities that could explain Clarke’s abrupt attitude. Clarke pushed her mothers hands away and repeated her question.

“Yes, everything’s fine. But can I talk to you?” “Of course” they both looked at Cygnus, who picked up the not-so-subtle clue and left.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, sorry. I just wanted to talk to you about something” Abby nodded her head and took her seat and gestured for Clarke to sit down, but Clarke waved the offer off and continued to stand. Clarke stood there for a moment, looking up to the ceiling in help.

“Kane said you weren’t well”

It was a lie. He never said that. But maybe it’ll pay off and get her mom to open up more. Abby suppressed a sigh and answered the unasked question.

“Marcus had no right to say those things. Specially not to you. I’m doing fine, Clarke. Better than fine. Nor you or Marcus needs to worry. Especially not Marcus, and he shouldn’t of said that to you. Or anybody for that matter of fact”.

Clarke knew her mom better than this. She read between the lines.

“Before, you would’ve smiled at the fact Kane was concerned about you”. The smile that attempted to have Clarke convinced she was fine, faded. Fell of her face and replaced with a look filled with pain, guilt and sadness. Abby placed her hands in her lap and looked down at them.

“Clarke-”

“No. Mom, he has _always_ been there for you, and now he’s beating himself up because he can’t be. I get it, you feel responsible. But same as almost every single person in this camp, it wasn’t you. It was ALIE and that damn City of Light. People need you, but you can’t help them if you don’t help yourself sometimes”. Abby looks up at Clarke and chooses her words carefully, trying to avoid another short lecture from her daughter.

“Clarke, I know you care, but this isn’t any of your-”

“He loves you”

Her eyes widen, and Clarke swears she can see tears threatening her mothers face. Abby looks back down at her lap again, unable to look at her daughter. She fidgets with her fingers in her lap and slowly, tears start to pass through.

“I’m sorry” she isn’t sure what she’s apologizing for, but it’s what she needed to hear. A single tear drops into her lap as she hears her daughter sigh and walk out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been three days since Clarke and hers "confrontation" and Abby can't seem to shake the feeling that her daughter may have been right.

_He loves you._

She wasn't sure when or what had changed between them, but she never stopped to question it. Something changed, definitely, but had she really not noticed how much? She knew he cared, more for her than others, but part of her assumed that was because of her former title as Chancellor.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed Cygnus entering the room with Aquila and Raven, holding multiple flowers and herbs.

One by one, they each set the medicines in their hands down on an empty cot that sat in the corner. The three girls stood behind Abby, who was still unaware of their presence and stared off into the distance. As the two grounders stood near the cot, Raven got comfortable and sat next to the items they just placed down and suppressed a sigh to get Abby's attention.

"You know, hard work could be appreciated sometimes" her voice quickly drew Abby out of her daze and caused her to drop the papers she held in her hand.

Abby jumped slightly, and let out a groan as she leaned over to pick them all up. As she crouched near the floor, picking the papers up and straightening them into a neat pile, she turned her head to look Raven in the eye with annoyance.

"Yes, it's ever so hard to pick flowers, Raven. I'm beginning to think your 'awesomeness' has no limit" Abby replied sarcastically. With her papers neat and stacked, she stood and placed them on the desk and turned to cross her arms and look at Raven more straightforwardly.

"You didn't think that before?" Raven asked, placing her hand to her chest, emphasizing her teasing reaction to what she pretended to interpret as an insult. "You know, we spent the better half of the day picking those flowers for you".

"It's 10:30 in the morning"

"And I've been awake since 9, so I've been picking those flowers for more than half of this day, be appreciative".

Abby raised her hands in surrender and held back a small laugh that was threatening to expose.

"So what's on your mind?" Raven continued, and shrugged after Abby tilted her head in confusion.

"Those papers can't be _that_ interesting. What had you thinking so intensely?" She picked up one of the flowers and started twirling it in her hand. Abby looked down at the floor for less than a second and back up at Raven, and that was an answer enough.

"No one wants to see you unhappy, Abby" Raven said after a moment of pure silence.

"I'm not _un_ happy"

"But you're not happy" it was Aquila who said it, to everyone's surprise. There was a hint of sadness in her voice, one that Abby and Raven didn't understand until she finished "I've lost someone too. Someone who hardly even knew I existed, but he meant more to me than he would ever know". The pain and anger that stitched itself to her emotionless face made it clear that her loss was in vain. "He was beheaded at the hand of Ontari". If the room wasn't silent before, it was now. No one dared to talk, or even move.

They stood there for moment, before Aquila's words sunk in.

"I haven't lost any one" it was more of a statement than a question, but her voice still cracked and the words still replayed in her head, seeking for an answer.

"Not yet" the words were barely audible, but nevertheless, Abby heard them, and they sounded like deafening yells.

Aquila took that silence as a leave, and with one last sympathetic look to Abby, and then to Raven, she exited the tent.

"I should go" Raven limped over to Abby and rested her hand on her forearm "you okay?" Abby nodded, it was easy then speaking.

It was just Cygnus and Abby left in the room, and although they've spent multiple days sitting in each other's company, the air was thick and neither of them made eye contact with the other. Abby turned back to her papers and started reading, concentrating on the words, that for some reason, she couldn't comprehend.

Her thoughts were all jumbled, and she couldn't get herself to make out the words that were in front of her. She knew what it said, she had most likely read these papers multiple time, but she couldn't understand them. They read important information that she could've understood easily on a normal day, but her thoughts were stuck on the side of the train.

It unnerved her, she was a doctor. She was use to concentrating one hundred percent and not being distracted by the tiniest of things. But now, as she stands here, all she can do is let her thoughts trail back to Marcus.

She let her paper fall out of her hands after the better part of 4 minutes. Cygnus was quietly standing by the cot, sorting the already sorted flowers, waiting for Abby to say something, and finally, she did. "I read the book you have me" she swatted her hand over to her desk, where maybe 6 books laid "it's somewhere in there, but very helpful. Thank you"

"Of course, you may keep it if you wish"

"Thank you, again" she chuckled at her repetitive tendencies and started off to the exit.

"Hungry?"

"I thought you said it was 10:30 in the morning?"

"It is, but I'm starving" Cygnus smiled, set down the flowers in her hand and followed Abby out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Instead of their usual chatty meals, they both stared down at their food, deep in thought.

Love had been something distant to Abby, and she wasn't even sure if this was love, lust maybe. Compassion had felt fictitious, but with Clarke's presence, it began to tingle in her fingers.

Her fingers tapped on the table, her fork in her other hand, bouncing it back and forth, hitting her plate. Her gaze raised from the food filled plate and sprung from person to person until they found Marcus walking in. Her scanning of the room did a double take when he comes into her sight.

There's a single moment, when he looks into her eyes across the room, where everything was okay. Everything was perfect, no pain, no grief, no past; just them standing there, looking into each other's eyes.

But he turns away, and walks out just as quickly as he came in.

Her eyes trail back to her lap, where all the emptiness fills back into her heart.

"We have to answer for of our sins". She repeats the words, absent mindlessly, he spoke to her, for what felt like, ages ago.

"Everyone is broken, Abby" Cygnus reads her mind and in between the words Abby isn't saying and gives her the answer she's been needing to hear. "There is no medicine, herb or miracle that can fix the wounds you and I and so many others carry, the only thing we can do is accept the scars that we wear and continue walking. And maybe one day, you'll take your scars and wounds and all your worries, and run". Her eyes lift from her lap and look Cygnus in the eye, they're full of tears and the fear of rejection mask her face. "Go to him, be happy".

She stood up before rethinking her choices and followed the direction of where Marcus left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her pace quickened with her heart beat, the blood pumping through her veins, giving her the adrenaline to move past the aching feeling the held her back.

"Marcus!"

He pretended to not hear her and quickened his pace in attempt to avoid the moment that he's been longing for, for the past month.

It was sort of a jump/hop on one leg that allowed her to grab his arm and turn him toward her; it was a movement that would've made Marcus chuckle, but his face remained impassive.

"Marcus!"

"Abby" his voice was cold, like it was back on the Ark, trying to avoid the pressing feelings in his heart. She touched his shoulder and he flinched from surprise, but didn't pull away.

"Marcus what's wrong" she reached up to take his face in her hands but was quickly stopped by his.

"What are you doing, Abby?"

He still held her forearms in his hands.

"I'm making sure you're okay" she tilted her head in an 'I'm-a-Doctor' sort of way and stepped back a minimal amount of space.

"No, what are you doing here? Standing in front of me and wondering about my wellbeing?"

"What are you talking about?" She let her arms fall down to her side and took a full step back.

"I-" he had an argument on his lips and a full on 'rejection of feelings' speech prepared, but his face softened back to the Marcus she knew and befriended when they came to the ground. So instead he said the only answer that made sense to him at the moment. "I don't know". The words meant more than an answer to her question, and his legs began to shake as his head fell in a doubtful demeanor.

"I don't understand". It was less than a whisper, but she still heard his voice crack. Abby was confused and furrowed her brow but maintained a sympathetic look. She didn't even think he knew what he meant, but either way she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him as he let tears stream down his face.

And maybe, just maybe, this was their first step to running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always welcomed! :P sorry it took me awhile to update, hopefully I'll get the last chapter up by Monday or Tuesday!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so please tell me what you think!


End file.
